13/7/1959 - Since you will not let me see you

The poems continue almost daily, but the content of today's poem make it clear that Marianne's visits to Jon Ash bookshop had dwindled in frequency. And when she did come to the shop, it was briefly, and with a companion. Do we assume the intensity of Mr Nash's poetry had become too much for Marianne? Regardless, he continued writing poems for her. And these poems of sadness and emptiness are in Marianne's possession, so she must have continued her visits to receive them when buying a book from his shop.

This poem has the double tick, indicating Mr Nash would like it published one day, and it's numbered 17, detailing the order he would like them published in. I'm adding them to the blog in date order however (where we have a date), as I think they tell a fuller story this way. Of a bookshop owner infatuated with one of his customers, to the point where it seemed to take up a large part of his daily thoughts and dreams, and the lack of acknowledgement was driving him to distraction... But how could he expect her to reciprocate? She was just 23 at this point, and undoubtedly a shy 23-year old still living at home. He was over 30 years older than her, married, with children the same age as her. Perhaps he just wanted a muse for his poetry?

Since you will not let me see you
- Your fleeting visits once a week
Sometimes with some one else
I may not countenance, for then perforce
I am with others' wants engaged -
I look for you in all things beautiful
And glimpse, now here, now there,
The faintest shadow of yourself
In flowers, faces, trees and skies
And from these wring some measure
Of your loveliness, that I might live
From hour to hour until we meet again.
Thoughts are but thoughts though they
Are with me night and day
And dreams are too intangible for me.
Those pictures in my mind which come
So easily, do but torment in their passivity
For you are your eyes, your lips,
Your voice, your matchless laugh,
Your personality, that makes all music
Murmurings, and poetry a needless sigh.
So, of your charity, come soon, come soon,
And save this all that's good in me
For, starved for a sight of you,
It must most surely die

13th July, 1959

10/7/1959 Who says I am in love with love?

Another of Mr Nash's favourite poems for Marianne, indicated by a tick on the reverse, and numbered '19'. Here Cyril speaks of his love/hate relationship with love - unrequited love, it seems...

Who says
I am in love with love?
It is not true;
I love while hating love,
Its bitter brew.
Laughter thrusts more deep the knife
Into my warring mind
And weeping will not do
For tears would drown me with despair.
Since seeing you means fleeing me
Till to myself I'm blind -
But then, when you are gone, all life
And light depart from me
To bring but hell's extremity.
Who says I love, says true,
But love to me is rue.

10th July, 1959

8/7/1959 Half the world...

At the end of one of his poems dated 18 June, Mr Nash added a postcript that he would be on holiday "for a fortnight from Tuesday next", which would have been 23 June 1959. So this poem was likely written upon return from his break, during which we know he visited Bath. Being at least two weeks since he had seen Marianne at his shop in London, it seems to have been playing fairly heavily on his mind...

Note the single tick top left of the piece of paper - indicating Mr Nash liked this poem, and wanted to get Marianne's thoughts on it. (Other poems featured 2 ticks and a sequential number, which meant that it was a particular favourite, and that Mr Nash sought to publish them with Marianne's permission, in the order he numbered).

I would walk half the world to see you now
If by some sad mischance, extremity
Had parted us so far, this I do vow
For you are all my homing, instancy.

What matters it, if half the world away
Or you had gone this moment from my side?
Here or there, you would not bid me stay
Or could not care, perhaps might me deride.

If must be so - Age can make no demands
On you, and would not wish to make amiss -
Then For taking soils the givers' and the takers' hands
And both might lose eternity's grave kiss.

But if you called? How could I then refuse
For you are heaven, so I have nought to lose.

8th July, 1959

1/7/1959 A fuchsia tree

Thinking of you
I saw a fuchsia tree.
To myself said
What shall my future be?
Like lighted lamps
Matched only by your eyes,
Or these red drops
Of blood which fall when their light dies?

1st July, 1959

28/6/1959 Bath

This poem, written on a Sunday, talks of Mr Nash spending the day in Bath, but having Marianne on his mind. On a book-buying mission? With his family? He was certainly in a literary mood, referring to Jane (I presume, Austen), while also drawing comparison to his namesake Beau Nash, the dandy who helped put Bath at the forefront of the 18th century English social scene.

I walked down Milsom Street today
And though you were a hundred miles away
I saw you - and sweet Jane -
Although she will never walk Bath again;

And I, whose surname forced a glow
On fair maids' cheeks, when by the Beau
So dubious, they received a glance,
Would give a world to make this quick advance

So I walked on down Milsom Street
Having no one to stay or greet
For these my dreams have gone astray
And I despondently must surely stay.

28th June, 1959

22/6/1959 The pallid moon

Cyril's poem to Marianne on 22nd June 1959 was written on 'official' shop notepaper, the first dated poem to appear as such. Typed in a hurry in case of a lunchtime visit?

I saw you in the pallid moon last night
So beautiful, but so remote;
Your garments were of gossamer and white
And you were distant as a nun
About to take her final vows.
But I, with gaze more steadfastly,
With contemplation's fervent strength,
Saw in your face and dress a hundred hues
And all the warmth that lives
In every lovers' first sweet kiss -
Away! Away, you tantalising moon,
That would make madness and dull mockery
Of this, my utmost misery.

22nd June, 1959

Thanks to Clogsilk for her stunning shot of the moon